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Talking About and Spotting Substance Abuse

Many youth experiment with some sort of drug; it's part of growing up. Knowing how to talk about drugs and alcohol may help young people avoid problem use. 

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My kid on drugs: What can I do?

It's important for you to know that many young people experiment with some sort of drug; it's part of growing up. But most don't become dependent. In fact, the majority of young people cope very well without drugs in this stressful time in their lives.

Although illegal drugs receive the most publicity, alcohol is much more likely to be the drug kids try first.

Here are some signs that may indicate your kid has a problem.

You notice:
  • Your kid shows a sudden change in behaviour, a change in appearance, or a change in attitude to you or other family members.
  • Your kid may become more secretive, or less helpful at home.
  • School grades drop, or you find money missing.
  • Your kid has a new group of friends, or doesn't bring friends home any more.

These could be warnings that your daughter or son is involved with drugs. But remember, adolescence is naturally a time for great change; there may be other causes for these changes. Try not to jump to conclusions.

What do you mean, don't panic?

Guilt, fear, and anger are natural reactions when you suspect your kid is on drugs. But wait. Calm down before discussing your concerns with your child. Approach drug use the same way you would approach any other issue with your child. If you aren't sure about what to do, find help in your community.

My kid doesn't listen to me.

Listening is a two-way street. Are you listening to your kid? Are you paying attention to what they are saying? Lecturing an adolescent is seldom effective.

How serious is it?

Find out what you're dealing with -- the type of drug or drugs being used, and the extent and frequency of use.

What if my kid denies using drugs?

Don't turn it into a confrontation. Leave the discussion to another time. Show you have confidence in your child. Praising them when they do things well can improve their self-esteem.

Why my kid?

Drug use can affect any family. It doesn't mean you have failed as a parent.

Are my own actions affecting my kid's behaviour?

Although you have let your child know that you are opposed to drug use, your own use of alcohol, cigarettes, or pills may be sending mixed messages from you as a role model.

With both parents working, my kid has a lot of free time after school.

Encourage them to get involved in after-school activities. When you are at home, spend time with your child, perhaps watching television programs they like to watch. At times like these, the topic of drugs may come up more naturally.

I don't know anything about drugs.

Parents who know about drugs—how they're used, what their effects are, and what the law is—are both more confident and more believable as information sources for kids.

Call ConnexOntario  free 24/7 helpline at 1 866 531-2600.

Where can I get outside help?

You may feel most comfortable discussing the situation with your family physician or a public health nurse. Most communities have parent support groups or professional counsellors at family service associations. Your local office of the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health can give you facts and advice. 

Ten tips for talking to your kids about substance use

  1. Inform your teen you have something you'd like to discuss with them. Ask your teen where and when they would like to have this discussion.
  2. Approach the conversation with a sense of curiosity and interest, rather than accusation and fear. Remember that some experimentation is normal —you and your teen need to discuss what that means and where to draw the line.
  3. Know the facts of the drug(s) you plan to discuss BEFORE talking with your teen.
  4. Try to avoid providing your teen with "fact sheets" from organizations with a biased agenda. Instead, use impartial literature, approved by youth addiction workers, to gather your facts.
  5. Ask your teen about THEIR concerns regarding drugs and alcohol. Discuss and address those issues. Let your child know that they can be open and honest with you and let them know that you have their safety in mind—“My #1 concern is your safety—that means I need to know where you are and who you’re with.”
  6. Take the time to understand and address your greatest fears regarding your child. Discuss these with a friend, partner or therapist. Try not to let irrational fears create undue anxiety while talking with your teen.
  7. Honesty (about what you know and don't know), courage (about having the discussion in the first place) and faith (that your child will make mistakes, but with a loving and supportive family, will turn out all right) is the spirit in which you want to engage your teen.
  8. Think very carefully before rifling through your child's journals, emails, etc., searching for clues of substance use. The potential gains, in most cases, are far outweighed by the potential damage it would do to your relationship with your teen.
  9. Make your position clear when it comes to substances like alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. Don't assume that you child knows where you stand.
  10. At times, having this discussion with a qualified youth and/or addiction therapist can be very helpful. If your teen isn't interested, you may still benefit in meeting with a youth therapist for support and suggestions.
BONUS TIP:

Ideally, you've been having these discussions for years before your child reaches adolescence, but it’s never too late to start talking about drugs. 

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