Youth Mental Health: Are you concerned about a friend?

How can I support others?

There are three important parts to supporting a friend with a mental health challenge:

1. Reach out
2. Be supportive
3. Get help from others

2. Be supportive

If your friend shares what is happening for them, you can validate their experience by showing you understand how difficult things may be for them.

You could say: "I’m sorry, that really sucks.  Do you want to talk about it? That sounds like a lot to deal with."

Try to avoid comments that might sound as though you think that your friend can control how they think or feel, or that their experience isn’t such a big deal.

Don’t say: “Everyone feels this way sometimes.” or “I’ve felt like this before—you’ll get over it soon enough.”

If you have had a similar experience that you are comfortable sharing, it might help your friend to feel less alone. You may also be able to share healthy ways that you have coped with these challenges, and positive strategies that have worked for you.

If you can, continue to be there for your friend and spend time together like you normally would. Try to keep most of your conversations on topics that you usually talk about, and not always about their mental health. Your friend is still the same person you knew before—people don’t want to be defined by their mental health challenges. 

After your friend has shared their experience, you can tell them that you are glad they told you about it, and offer to keep the conversation going.

You could say:

3. Get help from others

The kind of help that your friend may need will depend on how they are feeling, and what types of support they are comfortable receiving.

If you think your friend could use more support

It is usually a good idea to suggest that your friend also talk to someone else about their concerns. (It is good for your friend, and good for you too—it means you’re not the only person who is looking out for them.)

Then you may suggest some possible sources of help: "Have you talked to anyone else about getting some help? / Do you want to talk to someone for more support? Maybe you could reach out to _______ again? / Or try speaking with _______? (someone they trust) / Do any of those options seem doable for you?"

Maybe this isn’t an option your friend is ready for now, but opening this conversation can show that you are there if they want to talk more. 

If the person’s challenges continue, remind them that you are there for them. In this situation, you should definitely reach out to someone who can help you figure out what to do next or can reach out to your friend directly.

If your friend’s behaviours start to become more alarming, they may need more immediate support. Examples might be big changes in their mood, a major change in their regular activities, increased use of alcohol or other drugs or talking about suicide or self-harm.

Important: It can be difficult to have these types of conversations with your friends. If you are in any situation where you are supporting a friend, you should reach out to other people to help as well. When helping a friend through a difficult time, you might experience upsetting emotions yourself. Remember to seek out support if you need it too.

Is this an emergency?

If your friend is talking about self-harm or suicide, and is describing ways to do it, they need help now. You may be able to get your friend to a source of help if they agree to go with you, and if you are comfortable doing this. Even if they don’t agree, it is still important to respond with their safety in mind. 

You could say: "I’m really worried about your safety right now.  I think we should go to the emergency department." or "Can we call someone to let them know what is happening, like a family member? Maybe they can come with us—or maybe you’d prefer that they go to the hospital with you instead?"

If your friend doesn’t want you to call anyone and is unwilling or unable to go to the emergency department, you can suggest they call or text 9-8-8: Suicide Crisis Helpline or call 911. You can offer to call these numbers with them. If you are concerned about their safety and they refuse any help from you or someone else, you should call 911. If it is not an immediate safety concern, you can also call 988 to get guidance on how best to support your friend.